THIS day is blessed?

Now I have to tell you this wonderful thing I discovered. One can just never discover it enough and one can just never understand it enough. Yet, no matter how much we discover and how much we understand - we can still be hugely blessed by it. What is it? Or do you even have to ask - it's God's LOVE!

I don't have to tell you that I have been majorly struggling. Oh so majorly! And on top of that - I have had the worst two months full of mishaps and series of odd and wildly crazy events. And often I could easily ask - Lord, you blessed THIS day?! Seriously?! Because I think you missed me. To recap a few - I had essentially what one would call a nervous breakdown a couple months ago, then my neighbor violently attacked me, a month later we witnessed her try to attack her boyfriend in the street where we park, then troubles with my boyfriend not talking and taking off, and then there were custody issues and then troubles at work and then a horrible weekend with my dad causing chaos and insisting on causing chaos, and then a speeding ticking AND another ticket for $230 which could have been over $3000 because I listened to my dad and didn't get 'my rear in gear' to take care of business and then I had a little car accident (which will cost a $2500! But thankfully NO ONE was hurt, not even the little three month old fetus taking up residence with the woman in the little truck that I slid into on the icy patch! Thank the Lord! Yes, of course, most of those events were related to my inability to cope and some bad decisions on  my part.

So this little accident was followed by my reading a chapter in "Praying God's Word" book by Beth Moore. I skimmed the chapters - because I was bored with the front to back cover version of reading it - for a more pertinent chapter. I found one: Overcoming the Insecurity of Feeling Unloved. Yup, this was the chapter for me, right then. Well, I tell you that this chapter was written just for me! Right from:

'Minor insecurities can be little more than occasional challenges, but when life suddenly erupts like a volano, insecurity turns into panic. Want suddenly feels like need. A hidden pocket of unmet needs suddenly quakes and leaves a cavern. The fear or the feeling of being unloved is probably the greatest source of insecurity, whether or not we can always articulate it.

Jehovah God, the Great Soul-ologist, identified man's chief desire in Proverbs 19:22: "What a man desires is unfailing love; better to be poor than a liar."

to the explanation of that verse:

'He is implying that our human tendency is to stockpile belongings or amass wealth in order to satisfy a cavernous need in our souls. He is also suggesting that we are lying if we're saying that our greatest need is anything besides unfailing love. The word desires in Proverbs 19:22 implies a deep craving. Each one of us craves utterly unfailing love: a love that is unconditional, unwavering, radical, demonstrative, broader than the horizon, deeper than the sea.'

And we ALL know that no matter how much love we are showered with in our lives or no matter how much love we feel for others - it is FAR away from that sort of unfailing love.

'Searching for perfect, unfailing love in anyone else is not only fruitless, it is miserably disappointing and destructive. I am convinced that our hearts are not healthy until they have been satisfied by the only completely healthy love that exists: the love of God, Himself.'

God made me (everyone) to require His love, His unfailing love. And no one else can fulfill that need. Now of course - this is NOT news to me. But it is a reminder of what I need always, and specifically right now.  It is a comfort to me when there are things I have to do, things I have to get through and no one but no one can do it for me.  It's just me and the Lord.  And that knowledge comforts me.

So I began to pray right then and each morning since upon opening my eyes for God's love to fill my cup knowing that 'He is the only One who is never overwhelmed by the depth and length of [my] need.' as Beth writes. Of course I welcome love, and I have it to give starting with the very first minute I am awake following the prayer.

So this last few days, I have earnestedly and desperately prayed this prayer. And I am able to handle daily disturbances and interactions rather well. It has not removed the anxiety - but certainly the 'strength' I needed and still had often prayed for desperately needed a cup full of UNFAILING love to go with it!! And Lord, precious Lord, I thank you for such an amazing gift!!

On my wall, by my bed, I have posted:

Psalms 143:8

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,

for I have put my trust in you.

Show me the way I should go,

for you to lift up my soul.