I remember by the time he was 8 months old, I held him all the time prior to that, he was so ready to start crawling, that i could tell he was getting frustrated. For WEEKS he was frustrated until I could find an environment that he could have some space to crawl. And right away he began the process and within a couple weeks he was crawling - and much happier. We went through years of tantrums -in which I would just have to walk away until he was done - and waking in the night screaming inconsolably. We still go through inconsolable fits of pouting that you can feel from many feet away. He is an amazing pouter!!
He would play for hours as a toddler with his cars and lego, simply moving them from one spot to another and lining them up the exact same way. He would get report card after report card stating that he takes things to heart. I've had conversation after conversation with teacher after teacher about how upset he gets, and in junior high it is highly socially unacceptable to cry off in a corner because you hurt a toe in gym class or because your feelings are hurt. I work with Skyler a lot on this issue. He is prone to bullies and prone to teasing and just plain unable to handle it.
Skyler has done well in school, he gets good grades and has thus gone basically unidentified with his social difficulties and his low frustration threshold. He greatly shies away from physical contact. He often will not make eye contact. He has difficulty expressing any affection and rarely if ever does it spontaneously. He jumps in with both feet in any hobby that he decides he likes - video games, cars, bikes and drums. He needs a lot of order in his life and gets very upset without it. He cannot understand any sort of machismo - boys hitting each other in greeting, showing off for friends, etc. He is very reluctant to try new activities or to get involved with new people.
My current motivation for seeking some help and some answers is because we constantly battle over the tone of voice he uses with me and how easily he gets frustrated and how he copes with it. Nothing seems to alter these two things. He does not seem to have any real attachments, not to me, not to his friends. He is rather comfortable around his friends but remains unemotional about them. This is the same with his family. I think is why he has so much difficulty calming down when he is frustrated and perhaps getting frustrated in the first place. I think that caring about people and getting shown that someone cares about us is a very calming need. But Skyler doesn't seem to be calmed by care and attention. I think that it may help him to feel safe, but not a lot beyond that.
So I asked people who knew about how I can find out what to do about it - what are my options. He will start some counselling this summer so that we can learn some tools to cope with frustration and bullies, etc. He will start martial arts in September for building confidence. I will talk to his doctor for a referal for an evaluation. I am not sure whether or not to have him evaluated through the school or not. I think it may not be the best option. Although it is the free option.
All this said, he is an amazing boy. Gets As and Bs in school with rare homework and rare studying. He has had the same friends since kindergarten, though he has recently added one or two friends. He takes good care of his things; he is extremely orderly that way. He gets himself ready for school each day ON TIME. He is great in music, art and math. He likes to cook and has learned a few recipes to cook at home. He is very responsible. Some of these things are the positive side of some of the 'symptoms'.
It is amazing how this decision to seek evaluation and help is as emotional for me as I thought. It is difficult to face something like this head on - though I've faced it head on without acknowledgement each day anyway. It's taken a lot of intense training and not a lot of progress over these 12 years. But somehow, this process seems long and hard and intense for my heart.
Very shortly after i decided to pursue this avenue with Skyler, I got a call from my youngest son's teacher. She wanted permission to have him evaluated next school year. He has great difficulty sitting down and has some difficulty with some learning - though he is very bright. She has been giving him extra help throughout the year. His reading has improved. He very impatient about it, and hates to sit down and certainly hates to not talk or interact with other children. I had begun to think I was in the clear because I expected that a teacher would tell me that they wanted him medicated LONG ago. And so, once again, that intense tug on my heart. i cannot really pinpoint why, because in some ways there is a sense of validation and relief because I have struggled with many things with my Jaron along the way. For example, each day when I have to tell him ten times to not get distracted when he gets dressed, and gets his shoes on or does anything that does not come from a desire within him to get done.
We have recently determined an intolerance to milk which causes him some abdominal pain - he rarely complains about it. And I believe he has environmental allergies which also affect his mood and cooperativity. He still doesn't sleep through the night at age 7 and doesn't sleep a lot. If he goes to bed before 10pm then he is surely up by about 6 am. He begun life without napping - it's never really been a regular part of his life. I have to lock my bedroom door so that he doesn't end up in my bed every night. And so began the process to rule out all things physical, and begin to cope with those - and this fall begins the road to determing other factors involved.
And so begins the testing........
