One good thing!

I've got a plan. All this 'stuff' that I'm going through coming to a head at the age of 32, with my future bright before me - once I get through all this. And I've been tormenting over not having a plan. All these decisions to make and all this 'stuff' running through my mind and not really having the sound ability to make these decisions. (I think I am not actually forming ANY sentences whatsoever - but bear with me). So I may have just needed one person to add a little decisiveness to my day. Even if it is little more than a bit of hope and staying status quo and taking it day by day. I feel, like I actually have a PLAN. This is one good thing!

It's been awhile........Yes it has!

I suppose I've been at a loss for words. I thought i was doing so well, and then my mood and maybe even my life took a dive. I didn't realize i was that unstable. But i was. I'm going through one of the roughest patches of my life. But the good things coming from it are that I think I'll finally get the help I need and people are listening. They are hearing me, and they see, that I need help. I'm having a hard time sleeping. I have this wonderful thermal blanket, that is so so cozy and my son's baby blanket - yes his fleece crib blanket - and I cuddle up in those each night. I feel so many things, and comfort is hard to find. So I do this, and the last two nights I have repeated over and over - a comforting truth about God! Two nights ago it was "I am God's child.". Last night it was from a song I listened to right before I went to sleep - or tried to. It was 'Forgiven and Loved'. And each time I awoke last night - which was many many times - I fell right back to sleep, wrapped in my cozy cozy blankets and repeating "Forgiven and Loved". So this morning, I do feel comforted. If not baffled, confused and trying to let God guide (maybe futile and impatient) into the decisions I have to make for this next part of my life. I suppose the only thing clear to me is the part where I start to heal - I know that. God has given me some counsellors that I think will 'get it' and actually be helpful for me. I see one, Ruth, today. Thank God for her! And may I remember today to Praise Him when I am feeling low. And other times - but especially then. And, I'm off to work!

Nicole.

Another movie worth watching...

Fireproof! It's a Kirk Cameron movie - enough said!! Great soundtrack! Total tearjerker - bring your tissues!!

Amazing Grace

You don't hear that song a lot on the radio, but I just did. In fact, i just watched the movie last night. And watched the special features of the song 'Amazing Grace' sung by Chris Tomlin.

Now this is a movie you need to see, if you haven't already. It's not really mainstream. It is a great drama and one of my favorite movies. It is the true story of a young English politician, William Wilberforce, who wants to make a better world - starting with abolition of the slave trade. And his mentor in this movie is a former slave ship capton who wrote the hymn, Amazing Grace. It is such a well-made movie!! And that is rather rare. It could be gory, but it's not - just enough emphasis that you get the point and see the importance of the issue. But not enough that it will disturb you terribly. Check out this official website. And find the movie to watch.

http://www.amazinggracemovie.com/

Updates

Update 1:

At least six large Rubbermaid bins of junk have been tossed from my basement. At least 6 more to go. At least 4 small to medium garbage bags of junk and garbage have been removed from my room. At least 5 boxes of storage stuff. I put nice and cheap WalMart curtains up - I like the feel it gives to the room. And that is HALF of the room dejunked. I have a few more things to junk. And the other half of the room to tackle. If I am brave enough, I will take before and after pictures for you all to view.

Update 2:

Took the day off work to see the counsellor at the mental health center. She met with Jaron and I and she wants to see us again. She gave me a book about success with ADHD - though there is no diagnosis yet. And sent us to a get a referal for a child psychologist whose special interest is attention issues. It was actually a fairly difficult thing for Jaron. So I took him out for a nice treat afterwards.