It's been awhile........Yes it has!

I suppose I've been at a loss for words. I thought i was doing so well, and then my mood and maybe even my life took a dive. I didn't realize i was that unstable. But i was. I'm going through one of the roughest patches of my life. But the good things coming from it are that I think I'll finally get the help I need and people are listening. They are hearing me, and they see, that I need help. I'm having a hard time sleeping. I have this wonderful thermal blanket, that is so so cozy and my son's baby blanket - yes his fleece crib blanket - and I cuddle up in those each night. I feel so many things, and comfort is hard to find. So I do this, and the last two nights I have repeated over and over - a comforting truth about God! Two nights ago it was "I am God's child.". Last night it was from a song I listened to right before I went to sleep - or tried to. It was 'Forgiven and Loved'. And each time I awoke last night - which was many many times - I fell right back to sleep, wrapped in my cozy cozy blankets and repeating "Forgiven and Loved". So this morning, I do feel comforted. If not baffled, confused and trying to let God guide (maybe futile and impatient) into the decisions I have to make for this next part of my life. I suppose the only thing clear to me is the part where I start to heal - I know that. God has given me some counsellors that I think will 'get it' and actually be helpful for me. I see one, Ruth, today. Thank God for her! And may I remember today to Praise Him when I am feeling low. And other times - but especially then. And, I'm off to work!

Nicole.