Have you ever tried.........?

Have you ever tried turning off the radio as you drive?! It's was a little unnerving for me at first, but after awhile it is very nice to drive in silence. It's not often we get silence for our brains - and I am so used to t.v's and computers and music and whatnot. It also gives my boys a chance to say talk - and they DO!!! I've been doing this for awhile - and it's just a little thing, but enjoyable.

I did it - I trusted His love

God's sorry lies in our refusal to approach Him when we have sinned
and failed. A 'slip' for an alcoholic is a terrifying experience.
The obsession of the mind and body with booze returns witht the wild
fury of a sudden storm in springtime. When the person sobers up,
he or she is devastated. When I relapsed, I had two options: yield
my heavenly Father - choose to live as a victim of my disease; or
choose to trust in Abba's immutable love.

The words of Brennan Manning in "Abba's Child"

My dad was here last weekend practically begging to take my kids back to Kelowna with him for the week. And as I have decided that that won't be happening anymore and it won't be effective to tell him why, I just gave excuses and/or said no, I want my kids with me. I got this look from him that said 'you're the family wrecker' and all the negative feelings pop back up. Well, just when I have to tell him no, they do. And I have to tell my Skyler WHY he can't visit grandma and grandpa at their house anymore. And for that, I am mad and sad and hurt. Once again.....

So what did I do? I remembered - a day or two later - to run into God's arms. I have a little formula that my pastor and I worked out to deal with this. And I did the formula prayer. Thank you, Lord!!! I know I will have to run to you many times in the future; many many times!!!!

Learning to love cooking?

I've evolved. Yes, I've evolved so much I think that perhaps i have actually changed species. Yes, extravagent eating for me was once severely frowned upon. My family's repetoire of meals was pasta with canned sauce (nothing added) and meat and potatoes. Nothing fancy. My family actually raved when i added a couple spices to the CANNED sauce. The cheapest canned sauce that my dad could buy by the case. We were high class diners! Me being adventurous with food was adding mayo to my sandwich or adding garlic to something (which my family hated). There is one area where I love to try new things - candy bars!!!! I'm never scared to try a new candy bar on the market. I'm always the first one. I think I must have tried them ALL.

Then last year I became friends with someone who grew up with parents who were gourmet cooks. We would chat a lot about food - including sea food. Now recently I have become a fan of salmon. But fish and seafood was something I've always turned up my nose at. I have tried pickerel (wonderful fish) and it was lovely but I still could hardly eat it and had to be ORDERED to eat it. it was very good and a little sweet. My kids and I love salmon. And if you can get your hands on sockeye salmon - it's INCREDIBLE. But this was the extend of my great evolution as of last year. My parents would rave at how my kids would eat so well. This is how far I'd come.

I started talking about food with this friend, Bryce. I began getting excited about trying some seafood. So when we went on our first date, I did. I tried bacon-wrapped scallops. I LOVED them. I tried a crab leg. It was okay. But I was having such fun trying this stuff. When we went on the cruise, we could try any foods we wanted. I tried such amazing foods. I loved it and now I just LOVE trying new foods. I do it when i eat out mostly. I eat the neatest salads and sandwiches and meals........it's GREAT FUN!!! Yes, I think I've just proven my most abhored brain-washing phenomenon - evolution.

Now I think I am ready to try cooking neat things in my own home!!! Oh my. I really hate cooking - or is it the mess I really hate - I'm just not sure. But I am determined to find a new love. Adventuresome cooking. I've pulled out this old gourmet cook book with all sorts of pictures ( a must for me) and this time I LOVE the look of the recipes. I cannot wait to try them.

Eating......

I'd just like to say that I LOVE FOOD! I went on a cruise, like I always wanted to, because of the FOOD!! And it was so delicious! I tried all sorts of things. All sorts of things. And I'd like to say that one of the biggest UNFAIR things in life is that I cannot eat whatever I want. :(

I want to eat delicious and yummy and even fattening food every day of the week without negative consequences on my body. Pulleease make it so!!!! I know........I'm in dreamland.

Mind over matter

Have you ever used the power of your mind to calm a headache or to at least make it so you didn't notice the headache as much?? I have. And I now have a new and scary mind over matter task at hand. Yes, I'm posting partly in an effort to distract myself and it's very late at night. I was sleeping and awakened by annoying and partly painful muscle cramping in my back on the right side. then I noticed that my limbs were somewhat crampy and tight as well. Then I became extremely itchy and now I feel I have to pee constantly. I had a very similar experience about two months ago. It was horrible. Thought I had a bladder infection but the antibiotics didn't do anything to help - or very little. But they couldn't find anything else. It went away on it's own and I didn't fill the other prescription. But it took a couple of weeks for the muscle cramping in my left calf to go away. The month after that I had a slight cramping episode that began the EXACT same way and I wouldn't allow it. I said forget it, and ignored it. This episode came on differently and at work. I spend the last two days resting a lot and thought it was gone. I'd decided that recently I'd been having discomfort in my right rib cage probably due to muscle cramping. My chiropractor found no other reason for it. It was on and off over the past weeks. Then at work I had a headache then began to feel nauseous. This sometimes happens with headaches. I had no water with me to take any Advil. So I did nothing. Then i started to feel light head and a little weak. I suddenly felt like I needed to pass out and went to sit down. I was really weak in my back and thighs. I sat for awhile and then I slowly walked for sugar, food, then to my van. I drove home a little while later when I felt better. At home I had a nap and rested most of that afternoon. The next day I felt a little off in my back but okay. I rested in the afternoon as well. So now, I am doing the mind over matter influence. This is much harder once one of these episodes is in full swing. But I will keep you posted on how it goes. All of this sounds so scary, but I am starting to get used to it. They have found nothing, even on MRI and I am beginning to think it could be hormonal or even just something to do with calcium. Who knows?! I wouldn't mind finding out, but I've heard of much worse. If I can somehow control it with my brain power, it would make it go away. It's worth a try. Here goes.